I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
