Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
