She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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