i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize