at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do vagina's smell?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
