I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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