This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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