thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
