What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize