Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
