got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
