Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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