party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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