But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
