I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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