my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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