So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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