the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
