I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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