And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
