I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
