he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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