Michael Bay diarrhea
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
