you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize