I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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