What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize