What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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