I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You're like the curious george of whores
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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