imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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