I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
