Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
