Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
