I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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