batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
