we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
