so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
