You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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