My room smells like vodka and shame
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
