Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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