you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
