Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
