yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
