She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
