I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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