Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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