all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
