tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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