3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
