didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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