I wanna passion pit in your ass
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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