i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
