I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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