If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
