Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
