i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
