remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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