who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
