I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
