i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
