what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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