You're my little dorito
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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