There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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