Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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