I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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