Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
